I was staying at a farm somewhere in country Victoria. Who these people were I did not know or just do not recall. What I do recall is this: a strong wind was blowing….really blowing.
One of those hot dry winds that slowly knocks the life out of the grass, burning it to a dull grey, turning what only yesterday was lush and green into weathered hay that has lost its goodness.
I climbed the fence. One of those timber fences. A post every six feet or so, and three evenly spaced railings running horizontally along its length.
I stood on the second railing and supported the tops of my legs with the railing at the top of the fence. It was flat and stiff, easily strong enough to support the weight of a six year old boy.
Leaning into the wind and stretching as far forward as I dared, arms flailing to keep balance, I let the full force of the wind push back my hair. Within moments my eyes began to water, causing me to turn my head as I struggled to breathe. The warmth on my face seemed to travel. After hitting my face it journeyed on down through my chest to the rest of my body, lodging at the extremities of both my hands and feet. I felt strangely serene, at one with the moment, with a new awareness of everything around me, and yet I was oblivious to all but myself, the fence, the wind and the moment. The moment seemed to register something deep inside me. Suddenly I was in tune with something so familiar and yet I could not place it. I had discovered a secret. A secret I had known all along but had never properly told it to myself.
For what seemed to be the first time I became acutely aware that I was truly alive. I was an entity. I was a living and breathing person. I was a myself. A me. I was alone with a fence and the wind, and I felt no need for anything more. Life was complete. I had found what I had not even been looking for but had wanted all along. This was how it was meant to be. This was life before the fall. This was living before the sickness, this was life without indifference, this was life without needs. The mystery of the moment held me spellbound. I was experiencing a piece of forever trapped in realtime. I had found freedom at the top of a fence. The wind was blowing “forever” right into my face. Eternity was watering my eyes, filling my lungs and whispering in my ears. “I will always be with you, I will keep you safe, I will keep you warm, I will bring you joy”
I stood there on that fence, the wind in my face, leaning forward, tackling it head on. And I listened. Everything behind me was silenced by the force of that which was coming at me. I could only hear the future, I could only hear what was the roar of my destiny. So I stood on that fence, no longer hearing the past, but bent toward the future, with the warmest of feelings and the deepest of joys. Was the rest of life going to be this easy.? Could it possibly be this much fun.? Or was this only a taste, just a whiff, just a glimpse, just a tease of how things were really meant to be.?
